Frequently Asked Questions
Where is TuboHotel located? How can I find you? I am searching . . . I am searching . . .
TuboHotel is located in the Magic Village of Tepoztlan, Morelos about 45 minutes south of Mexico City on the other side of the mountain range. Tap here for a google map of Tubohotel. The most convenient airport is the Mexico City Airport. Physically and spiritually we are located on the return to the Tepoztlan – Mexico City toll road. When you exit the toll road at Tepoztlan from Mexico City, take your first U turn to the left. Ask Uncle Pepe, he will show you. Cross the bridge overpass and TuboHotel is located on the right. Use the lateral road towards the road to San Juan. If you are coming from Cuatla/Oaxtepec on the toll road, take the Tepoztlan exit and immediately on your right will be TuboHotel. If you are arriving on the federal highway from Cuernavaca, take a left towards the toll road before the gas station (only one in town), cross the bridge overpass, and Tubohotel will be on your right. Just like in life, Young Jedi, there are many ways to arrive at your chosen destination. Give us a call and a Tubo-Assistant will help you find your way in a chaotic world.
What Size Bed is in the tube?
Queen. Also in the room is a desk light, fan, and under-bed storage as well as a towels with towel racks along and comfortable blankets and high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Okay, that last one was a lie, but the sheets are really Tubo-Soft.
What type of tubo-bathrooms/showers are available? Will I need to shower with strangers?
Ohh, no, no, no. We are not one of those hotels. But we do have two very clean and comfortable bathroom houses with skin-scalding hot water, private showers and comodes (that is French for toilet). We suggest you bring a robe, flip-flops, shampoo, soap and your Tubo-Rubber-Ducky.
And Prices? Tubo-Rates – How low can they go?
All of our room inventory we manage online so enter into the rabbit hole to your right – the green rectangle to see our fabulous rates.
How do I make a reservation? How do I sign up? I want to start living La Vida Tubo!
You can now make a reservation online! Hip-hip-hooray!!! CLICK HERE FOR ONLINE RESERVATIONS IN ENGLISH
Start living the Tubo-Life you so richly deserve!
Do the tubes get cold? I have cold feet, but I have a warm heart.
Absolutely not. The tubes are quite thermic maintaining their comfortable, almost Tubo-licious temperature during the day and night. Our tubes are scientifically guaranteed to cure even the most stubborn cold feet. The tubes will not cure your heart condition.
Are there other things to do? Can I get Over-Tubed?
Impossible. But yes, we can arrange for traditional Mexican cooking packages at La Villa Bonita with fabulous celebrity chef, Ana Garcia. Check it out! Packages available for staying at both locations as well as day classes. http://www.lavillabonita.com. We have an INFITINTY POOL RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR TUBE! Apart from that, we suggest opening up your eye and inserting finger. Repeat. And repeat again. Or scratching your belly. . . . Dude! Wake up! You are in Tepoztlan – center of good vibrations, birthplace of Quetzalcoatl, center of the “Tepozteco Nation.” See mountain, climb mountain, bounce down mountain. If you can’t find something to do here, you are seriously activity-challenged.
Do you have a restaurant and bar?
Not at this time but we do offer a tubo-continental breakfast with bread, juice, coffee. Okay, enough of the Tubo-Speak.
What other services do you offer apart from being a super-spectacular Tubohotel?
Why, thank you! We offer additional services for groups such as event assistance, family reunions, banquets, weddings, bar mitzvas, aboriginal walk-abouts, ritual blood-lettings . . . Okay, just wanted to see if you were still actually reading. Yes, we do some real kick-ass events with the very lovely and talented celebrity chef, Ana Garcia. Contact us for more info at firstname.lastname@example.org.